and entering

Why I’m Comping SatireV

I am CONAN, and I am ZARDOZ!!!

There are so many whispers swirling around and all of this secrecy has been too much for me, I think it’s time to finally come clean. The rumors are true: I have re-enrolled as an undergraduate because SatireV is doing a completion-based comp this semester.

Ever since SatireV’s inception, just two short decades after I graduated from Harvard, I have dreamed of becoming a member. From the moment I first stumbled upon this website, gazed upon its sweet, tasteful Georgia font, and ruefully chuckled over its witty articles, I was hooked. The interns I've had that were SatireV alumni were so funny I almost considered paying them.

No regret in my life has haunted me as bitterly as being born 20 years too early to join SatireV. Writing for SatireV would have given me the opportunity to do something no organization I was a part of in my undergraduate years ever gave me the chance to do: be funny.

So, after forty or fifty something years, I’m back. It’s official. My interhouse transfer request was approved just 17 years after filing it. My show got cancelled. But most important by far, SatireV is holding a completion-based comp for the Fall 2021 semester. 

As I sat behind that late night desk for so many years, half-heartedly yet aggressively flirting with female guests, I cannot count the number of times I’ve dreamt of re-enrolling so I could comp, but insecurity always held me back. Would I be good enough for a competitive comp process? Could I make it through all three rounds? Were the comp directors old or boring enough to have heard of me? When I heard the good news about the completion comp, I knew in an instant what I had to do. Pandemics only come around once in a blue moon, and who knows whether it'll switch back to competitive in the future. I know that the comp will still be a lot of hard work, but at least this semester, I’ll have a chance.

I am so excited to start this new and exciting chapter of my life and to share it with the Harvard community. As you may have heard, I dropped by my old stomping grounds on Saturday and handed in my letter of resignation of lifetime membership. I’m moving on, up, and out of that weird little castle to do what I never once managed to do in all the time I spent there. Make people laugh. 

Comp SatireV.