THE CITY OF TOWNSVILLE-- In an attempt to create the "perfect little girls," local mad scientist Professor Utonium mixed sugar, spice, and everything nice. But after omitting the mysterious "Chemical X," Utonium discovered that he had instead created Dean of Harvard College and Marvin Bower Professor of Leadership Development, Rakesh Khurana.

 

"I was always wondering what would happen if I left out 'Chemical X,'" said Utonium. "Who knew that I had in my hands the key ingredients for one of the world's leading scholars of organizational and leadership theory."

 

"What a beautiful day! How are you, buttercup?" said Dean Khurana. When asked whether knowledge of his origins affected his views of the importance of a liberal arts education, Khurana responded, "No, of course not. I love to watch wide-eyed freshmen blossom into well-rounded members of society, and liberal arts is a huge part of that."

 

Some concerned students have observed Dean Khurana engaging in strange behaviors around the Square. "The other day I saw Dean Khurana chase down a purse snatcher on Dunster Street," said Gerald Welch '17. "I admit that it was pretty cool, but that's not normal, right?"

 

"You know, there's a lot of bad mojo out there," said Khurana in response to the concern. "But I'm out here fighting it, every day for the love of the job and to keep this city safe from monsters. Did I say monsters? I meant threats to academic integrity and inclusive student life."

 

After a long pause, Khurana went on to add, "I have a strange urge to say something about bubbles."