and entering

Scathing Crimson Op-Ed Going to Finally Make the Change

The writer at work. That Facebook post she's typing? 29 likes and counting.

CAMBRIDGE, MA — Late Thursday night Eloise Miller ‘18, a Crimson op-ed writer, put the finishing touches on what she described as “a real doozy.”

“This one is going to really be the one that makes a difference. It’s going to finally wake people up to the real issues on this campus,” Miller stated. “This might be the article that gets me a job at a real paper, like Upworthy or even Buzzfeed.”

Miller’s previous work includes a breakdown of Taylor Swift songs by relevance to reading period, and a dissection of on-campus racism entitled “Phew! Glad I’m White.” “I just really poured myself into this one,” she went on, remarking on the almost 80 minutes that she had spent writing the article. “Move over Reina [Gattuso], there’s a new soon-to-be Time intern on the block.”

Miller, who was reluctant to share any details about her 449-word magnum opus, did mention that her working title is “Oh My God Has Anyone Realized Excluding People is Bad, Very, Very Bad, and Sometimes We Should Not Do That Thing?”

“I’ve just never felt so strongly about a topic before,” Miller said, waving away reminders that she had expressed the same sentiment in Facebook posts about her last three articles. “I think this is going to have a lasting impact on campus,” she added. At press time, Miller reported feeling sufficiently vindicated by six of her closest echo chamber members sharing her article with comments about how strong she is.

© 2015