and entering

Roommate’s Sleeptalking Takes Hard Left Turn into Green Party Politics

woman sleeping
Dreaming up another great point!

STONE HALL— In a move that shocked her dozing roommate, sleeptalker Eleanor S. Reiner ’20’s nighttime musings turned from that boy Jon in her Hist and Lit section to the environmentalism and anti-war stance of the Green Party of the United States (GPUS).

Reiner, who has shared a cozy double with Paula M. Elkins ’20 since their freshman fall, has been blithely babbling about topics ranging from Quentin Who Has An Unfortunate Haircut to Casey Who Has A Better Haircut But Often Wears Wifebeaters for years. Recently, however, come 1:30 a.m. Reiner has turned to a different topic: a newfound appreciation for the politics espoused by Ralph Nader and Jill Stein. 

“Community based economics are really the only way to break the chains of late capitalism,” she said, boldly blazing a new trail of smug sleeptalking. “I mean, have you read the scanned copy of ‘A Humanistic Argument Against Vaccines’ that I sent you last week?” 

Many of Reiner’s most pointed observations came after 2:30 a.m., a time not remotely appropriate to asserting that "Hillary and Donald are just two sides of the same corrupt, financially dangerous coin.”

Elkins said she was confused that Reiner would rail against two-party hegemony in the U.S. political system, especially in the middle of the fucking night.

“I’m trying to get some sleep over here! I don’t have time to listen to Ellie unpack the devastating effect of alfalfa growth on the U.S. water supply,” she said. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but her sex dreams about my uncle were almost better.”

“It’s very disruptive and also just like, kind of nonsensical?” she added.

At press time, Reiner was dreaming of her future in radical leftist politics and also embezzlement.

© 2018