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Privileged White Dude Accepted to Class of 2020 Seriously Reconsidering Gap Year Plans

Kennedy Marcus, unimpressed with Harvard's non-final-club social offerings.

GREENWICH, CT--Having just completed his transaction to purchase an expensive trip to Uganda, Harvard College Class of 2020 admit Kennedy Marcus is now seriously reconsidering his decision to take a gap year. 

“This has been an incredibly tough decision to make, but after careful consideration, I have decided to put all of the amazing things I was supposed to do during my gap year on hold,” said Marcus in a press conference he organized himself. “Instead of taking a year off, I will matriculate in the fall of 2016 in hopes that I might be one of the last few lucky ones to make it into a final club. Honestly, I don’t really get why anyone would take offense to a bunch of male-dominated, gender-exclusive, elitist social clubs. I personally don’t see the problem at all.” 

Marcus made the decision in response to some cautionary advice from his brother Roy, a sophomore at the college and a member of the Fly Club, who suggested that he "forget the gap year, dude. Get in while you still can.”

At press time, however, Kennedy still has some reservations, saying that, “if we change what we do, then the terrorists will have won. I’m pretty sure I read that in the New York Times somewhere, so it’s legit. 

© 2016