and entering

Lowell House Renovation Designates More Spaces for Common

Common was delighted to hear the Lowell JCR would be his for the taking.

CAMBRIDGE, MA – Lowell House’s renovation plans reveal that the updated House will include more Common spaces.

Several rooms on Lowell’s proposed blueprint—including a lounge and a theater—are specifically marked off for Common, the 44-year-old rapper and actor.

“The University is really trying to focus student life in the Houses,” said Diana L. Eck, one of Lowell’s Faculty Deans. “And I think the best way to do that is to make sure that we have ample Common spaces. You know he has an Oscar?”

When HoCo member Kelly R. Smith ’19 learned of plans for a lounge, she suggested that Lowell set it aside for student meetings, pregames, and parties. 

“Nope,” Eck replied. “We’re making that a Common space.”

The rooms will feature movie posters from some of Common’s most enduring hits—Date NightTerminator Salvation, and Happy Feet Two. “The Bitch in Yoo,” his 1996 rap, will play on a loop.

“We’ve heard a lot of clamoring for Common spaces, so we started a task force, which started a task force, which formed a committee, which started a task force,” explained Rakesh Khurana, Dean of the College. “The task force decided to create Common spaces and physically bar anyone who is not Common from entering. Common can apply for DAPA grants if he’d like to throw himself parties.”

After renovating the Houses, the College plans to build a wing of UHS just for Dr. Dre. HUDS is unveiling a Sunday brunch option only for Ice-T, and Grandmaster Flash will be bumped up to Housemaster Flash.

© 2017