As Dean of Freshman Tom “Tommy D” Dingman’s final semester begins, the Freshman Dean’s Office is firing on all cylinders to plan a legendary goodbye bash for him. In his email to the "non-narc" Harvard faculty, Tommy D described the event as “the banger of the century.”
The FDO has enlisted members of the Delphic to help plan the party. Unfortunately for Tommy D, who was hoping to keep the party on the low, Chad L. Harkner '20, the Delphic member in charge of shopping, dropped his list outside of what was once Market in the Square, where it was found by Satire V. It is published below in its entirety:
- 2 dozen bags of Flamin' Hot Cheetos
- 5 scorpions for pranking people
- 1 sign that says "Snitches Get Stitches"
- A VHS copy of Wayne's World 2
- Baked brie
- Smoked Gouda
- Smoked salmon
- Smoked cheddar
- Stoned chicken
- High protein shakes
- Indica
- Just foolin' I know you can't buy Indica at a store
- Indica (go to corner of Dunster & Mass Ave 11pm on Thursday)
- Guac for days
- Mini-muffins
- Some dogs for grillin'
- Soda pops for chillin'
- #DivestHarvard
- Tide Pods
- Flavor Blasted Xtra Cheddar Goldfish
- Actually make it 3 dozen bags of Flamin' Hot Cheetos
- 1 pair of Nantucket red chubbies
- A pair of beer opener flip flops
- A Honda Odyssey from Zipcar for legally hazing the new Dean of Freshmen near the New Hampshire border marker
- You know what YOLO just get 6 dozen bags of Flamin' Hot Cheetos
Image credit: Inc.com
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