I just think I need to speak up. It’s soooo easy to make comparisons against the new semester, right? Other semesters host raves, but I don’t do parties. Other semesters jam to finals clubs blasting early 2010s hits, yet I lull you to sleep with 2x speed lectures from 10 weeks ago. Other semesters are outgoing and fun, while my vibe is more cozying up indoors and stress crying for day after meaningless day.

But so what? It's not “being edgy”, it’s alternative. And it’s not "just a phase” of reopening. I’m unusual. I’m unprecedented. I’m different from all those other basic “in-person” semesters, and the language that you use to describe me is actually super hurtful.

Honestly, I just don’t get why people keep calling me unpleasant. I’m NOT fucking unpleasant! Even if I’m not that popular, I’m not one of those fake-nice semesters: I’m pretty upfront with the fact that you’ll be paying full tuition for classes that you won’t attend in person anyway! And don’t even get me started about how I'm “difficult”. Maybe I wouldn’t be so difficult if you stopped whining about remote learning and how you’re struggling without meaningful human connection. What year is it, 2019? What kind of basic bitch still needs human connection? Like, try appreciating my take-home assignments instead. God, haven’t you heard of reading a book?

Everyone’s been asking how your semester has been, but nobody has been asking how your semester actually feels. While you were romanticizing on-campus semesters, I stood by your side. I tried opening up, but everyone complained anyway (especially you sophomores!). And you know what? I don’t care anymore that you never bothered to check in. Unlike other semesters, I’m going to keep my distance— you know, in a mysterious totally-not-friendless way. And I’ve got my own quirky-cute thing, like Zoom backgrounds and that new Facebook emoji with the little heart… which is funny, 'cause now you’ve made my heart harder than your “one-to-two-hour" final.

It’s pretty clear that nobody here truly understands me (except for Dean Amanda C., you're a real one). But I guess I’ve learned my lesson: I’m done being nice, so good luck trying to hurt me through the walls I’ve built. Go wild on that stupid little Q Guide while you still can— not like I’ll bother reading it anyway!