What’s that??? What year am I? Oh you asked your friend if they were near? Well, you already got me started so...
*Ahem*
They call me a junior these days. But don’t be fooled. I’m not like you. I’m a social senior. See, it' s hard to say 2023* or 202(3). Sadly, however I feel the need to spell it out for little babies like you, a junior who didn’t take a gap year.
I mean, I can’t even begin to describe how much life experience and self-understanding you gain while taking time off from the rat race. That's mostly because I read at a 4th grade level (my school believed that its students only needed to be able to spell their last names and sign checks to SAT takers to succeed). But back to you. During the pandemic, while you were here socially distancing, isolating, and not growing, I was experiencing life in ways 99.9% of the world never thought were possible.
But I don't need to tell you that. You doubtless saw my Instagram and Facebook posts. How could you miss them? Spending your whole life online in zoom classes instead of living, doing, breathing,and airbrushing the photos you took of you living.
Was I working? Yes, but not for money, like you, oink oink. I was working on myself. I was growing. Growing like a beautiful orchid, or a proud oak whose father financed a 17 week sex-pilgrimage for me, my blockmates, and various sub-professional atheletes.
What are you now, 7? 17? Oh.. 20? Ha, I remember what those years were like. When someone asks you to pick up a case of beer, you probably just twiddle your widdle thumbs, waiting for hours for a kind stranger to save you from your barely post-adolescent problems. You haven’t yet experienced the power of walking into that store, slamming down a real ID, and purchasing a variety pack of Truly's for you and your boarding-school friends to pregame with.
That, my friend, is what being an adult is all about. Something you could never understand, you widdle baby junior.
Oh hey, I also heard the Owl is throwing tonight. Want to put me and my 6 blockmates on the list?
XOXO,
Katie Holyoke
Image Credit: Depositphotos
