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HUDS Gears Up For Annual Valentine's Day Hot Dog Shortage

HUDS aims to satisfy cravings.

Harvard University Dining Services is once again preparing for an anticipated increase in the demand for hot dogs on February 14. The annual phenomenon, occurring yearly on Valentine’s Day, generally sees the College’s various eateries go through nearly a ton of hot dogs, with Annenburg alone going through several thousand. Although the typical undergraduate seems to take only two at a time, there have been reports of students furtively carrying as many as four or five out of the dining halls. 

            Don Stevens, manager of inventory at the HUDS central offices, described how the University plans to approach the situation. “While we just don’t know why the students want so many hot dogs on this particular day, we are doing our best to make sure their needs are taken care of. In the past, our strategy was to simply order in more of the same variety, but this has proven to be insufficient. This year, in addition to an increased amount of units, we have upgraded from the standard link to the Carson Foot Long. If that doesn’t fill these kids up, I don’t know what will.”

             When asked whether she would be taking more than the usual number of hot dogs this Valentine’s Day, sophomore Mary Clement answered “You jerk!” before sobbing uncontrollably, tears collecting in pools on the inside of her thick glasses. Also moistened were the too-long sleeves of her somewhat frumpy sweater. When asked the same question, full-chested junior Trisha McIntyre giggled, and answered “Nope!” before receiving a kiss and a warm hug from her six foot tall boyfriend, who asked how her day had been.

            Several hypotheses regarding the phenomenon have been circulating among the faculty. Professor Henry Fonberg posits a biological explanation. “It’s a classic example of learned behavior, as opposed to evolutionary adaptation. Valentine’s Day typically falls during the coldest time of the year, and the increased consumption of hot dogs serves to form a protective layer of blubber against the cold. Furthermore – “

            “Um, hey, Henry?”

            “What is it Anne, you know I’m busy at the moment. I’m sorry, this is Anne, my secretary.”

            “I was just wondering…well, since Valentine’s Day is coming up, I thought maybe you and I could…you know…”

            “Anne, please, whatever it is, it can wait. We’re discussing hot dog induced blubber among the student population!”

            “Whatever, Henry. I’m going to grab lunch; I heard they’re serving zucchini today.”  

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