and entering

Hasty Pudding Diversifies Production with First-Ever Animal Cast Members

A tiger in Farkas Hall.
Tigers are among the lucky animals that will appear in the upcoming production.

CAMBRIDGE, MA – On Saturday, the executive board members of the Hasty Pudding Theatricals officially announced their decision to allow animals to audition for this year’s production of “Noah’s (F)Ark(as).”

After confronting the fact that the Pudding, the world's third oldest theater company, has developed a reputation for being behind the times, the board members came up with a genius solution: cross-species casting. Hoping to save the Pudding's reputation, the club's current president Gerrit H. Wallstone '19 advocated for opening the traditionally all-human cast to animals. “It just doesn’t seem right to have men play all the roles when there are perfectly willing and capable animals right here in our community.”

This new flexibility in casting has raised the hopes of many undergraduate women that they, too, will one day get to be part of this performance legacy. However, Wallstone abruptly dashed those hopes when he issued a statement that simply read: "No girlz allowed."

The board hopes that the Harvard community will understand prioritizing animal rights over women’s rights since, as Wallstone stated in an interview, “Women clearly have many more opportunities than animals in other regards, such as having opposable thumbs with which to write feminist propaganda and the ability to vocalize their thoughts using language.”

The board’s main argument against including women in cast has historically been that this would require “structural changes to the production, the company, and larger institutional traditions.” Animals, however, would not require structural changes. Unlike women, they are used to being put in cages – albeit physical ones rather than socially constructed ones.

When asked whether female animals would be considered for casting, Wallstone replied, “Certainly. But there remains something distinctly disqualifying about the human female, you know? I can’t quite put my finger in it…I mean, on it.”

© 2017