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Harvard Math Department Proves They Definitely Aren't Sexist By Counterexample

Sharp mathematical minds have predicted the next major proof in this series will come in 20 years, if at all.

AUSTINE & CHILTON MCDONNELL COMMON ROOM—In a move that shocked the global mathematics community Thursday evening, the Harvard Department of Mathematics managed to prove that they definitely aren’t sexist by counterexample.

“If we were sexist, we wouldn’t hire any female professors. Since we have hired a female professor, we aren’t sexist. QED,” read an official statement issued by several senior faculty members in the Math Department. “For all the ladies out there, that’s a little tool called the contrapositive.”

Math concentrator Dennis C. Bloom ‘18, who recently submitted a senior thesis titled “I Am Not Racist: A Proof by Induction,” expressed great delight at the news.

“When I heard the Math Department was hiring a female professor, I was overjoyed,” said Bloom. “The fact that they could prove such a deeply profound result with such an elementary technique truly demonstrates the beauty and elegance of modern mathematics.”

According to Department Chair Curtis T. McMullen, the department has been working on the proof for six years.

“It has taken the department a very long time to reach this point,” read the conclusion of the official statement. “But now that we’ve proven the statement, it will hold true forever. Therefore, we will never be sexist in the future. It’s called logic, sweetie, ever heard of it?”

At press time, a Department administrator was seen hanging a plaque saying “MATH CONCENTRATORS ONLY” outside an empty office.

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