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Executive Vice President Katie Lapp Trapped Under Leslie Kirwan's Bullshit

There is no funny caption here. Just pain, rage, and bullshit.
CAMBRIDGE, MA--According to a recent email sent out to Harvard's students, faculty, and staff, Katie Lapp, Executive Vice President of Harvard University, is currently trapped underneath the unbelievable bullshit of FAS Dean of Administration Leslie Kirwan.


“Dear members of the Harvard community,” reads the email, which was sent over the campus-notify email list, “While monitoring the severe weather currently in effect in the Cambridge area, I was overcome by the unbelievable fucking nerve of those motherfucking FAS assholes. Before I knew it, the sky and my surroundings had completely disappeared from view, as I was buried under the dispiriting bullshit of the Faculty of Arts and Sciences's Dean of Administration.”


Lapp, who supervises the financial, administrative, human resources, campus services, planning and project management, development in Allston, health services, information technology, and diversity functions of the University, allegedly pounded her head against her desk repeatedly as she attempted to solve a Stat 110 pset now required to be turned in on time.  She was successfully able to send out the email from her phone before it short-circuited from the steaming pile of shit that the University dropped in increasing loads via Dean Kirwan, emergency notification, and Dean O'Dair.


“We will continue to closely monitor the forecast,” added Lapp in her email. “Should weather conditions warrant schedule changes, we will distribute information through MessageMe and email. Updates will also be posted to the Harvard Emergency page and 866-496-NEWS.” The message was promptly overruled by the FAS Emergency Notification System and by Leslie Kirwan, Dean for Administration and Finance at the Faculty of Arts and Sciences, who issued a pile of lies, deceit, betrayal, and complete and utter bullshit.


Although the Executive Vice President neglected to mention her exact location at the time of burial, Harvard authorities believe her to be trapped within a ball of white-hot rage incarnate.

© 2017