and entering

Edgy Blockmate Has Something to Say, Again

Ennui Edgelord, Lord of the Edges '22

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- Sources report that The Edgiest Member Of Your Blocking Group ‘22 is preparing to say something, again. You and your roommates were in the dining hall pretending to be shocked about the latest admissions scandal when he came in and sat down. 

Immediately after joining the table, The Edgiest Member of Your Blocking Group started listening intently to the conversation, nodding along at contradictory points and interjecting “hmm” and "interesting" whenever anyone said anything: a telltale sign that he’s preparing a bombshell addition to the debate which he will defend to the death despite having formulated it only a few seconds ago. 

“I just don’t have time for another one of his rants,” Blockmate You Met On Your FOP Trip ‘22 reports, “The last time we ordered pizza, he lectured us for an hour on how asking him to chip in was 'commodifying friendship.' Then, he ate all the garlic bread and told the delivery guy that ‘tips are participation trophies for people who can’t code.’ If I knew I was going to have to sit through another of his sermons I’d have brought my psets and a sleeping bag.” 

“He even writes down his most controversial takes,” says Blockmate You’re Friends With For Their Fake I.D. ‘22, “Some of his article titles include ‘Towards an Admissions-Free Campus,’ ‘The Ethical Case for Banning Literacy,’ and ‘Befriend a European: If You Don’t, Who Will?’ The Crimson Editorial Board can’t decide whether to file a restraining order against him or make him a staff editor.” 

The family members your Edgy Blockmate added on Facebook freshman year, however, say that he has been a delight to talk to. “His comments have brought lively debate to every post I’ve shared for the past year,” says your Creepy Uncle Bill, a member of 335 distinct Facebook groups with America in their name.

At press time, the three nearest tables in the dining hall were evacuated after everyone heard your edgy roommate begin a sentence with “You know, the way I see it…”

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