SatireV

Breaking

and entering

Dinner Gathers, and Now My Watch Begins

Leverett Dining Hall
The sacred house, nay, the sacred home.
by Bonnie, the Lev Dhall Swiper
 
For years I have guarded this hall. Other great Houses encroach upon our territory year after year, testing our defenses in the form of dining restrictions. None but I, Bonnie, the HUID swiper of the ancient House of Leverett, stand in the way of a hygienic, orderly, and altogether pleasant dining experience, and utter chaos. For I must follow that most sacred oath of Harvard University Dining Services. This I swear and do repeat to myself before each meal be opened:
 
Dinner gathers, and now my watch begins.
 
It shall not end until my death. I shall take no guests, hold no exceptions, suffer no children with the audacity to invite two guests into the Leverett Dining Hall instead of the posted maximum of one (1). 
 
I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post. I shall spurn the deserters of Quincy House and condemn them to sulk wretchedly back to the Dhall from whence they came.
 
I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the shield that guards the salad bar of the largest house on campus from running out of salad, as a singular rogue Winthropian may very well bring about. 
  
I pledge my life and honor to HUDS, for this Community night and all the Community nights to come.
 
Image credit: The Harvard Crimson
© 2018
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