and entering

CS50 Experiencing "Record Highs"


Sources in the Harvard administration claim that Computer Science 50 has recently become the "highest class at Harvard" after consuming narcotic substances with an alarming frequency. 

She was last seen trying and failing to pee on a foot of the rhinoceros statue outside Biolabs, shouting "let them eat code, bitches!" while MCB 52 looked on in horror. She has also regularly been seen snorting cocaine off the body of Folk&Myth 114, hacking into iSites and taking down Stat 104 lecture videos, and bursting into Social Studies 10 lectures periodically and yelling "Kant!".

"I can't believe how high CS 50 has been getting this semester," a disappointed Ec 10 told Satire V, "I mean, it's not like I'm jealous or anything, but she just seems unable to handle the high. When I get high, I just release a new edition of the required textbook and laugh at all the students watching the market price of their current editions plummet," he added.

Gov 20, meanwhile, was more stoic about things. "I am not surprised, as structural factors indicated that this was going to happen. During revolutionary events like this one, the ancien regime falls apart, and chaos reigns, like in Libya," she said, sitting atop a mountain of course packs. "That's why you're always supposed to say in my midterms that revolutions will inevitably fail."

Other classes have not had as enjoyable highs. "CS 50 gave me some of her stuff during shopping week, and it was FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE, but then it faded really fast," said A&I 11, Poetry Without Borders. 

Satire V also unearthed a sullen looking CS 51 in the basement of Lamont, looking like he hadn't slept for 10 weeks. "Each year, CS 50 gets really high and promises to share with me. But every single time I only get a tiny fraction of it," he said sadly.


In the wake of the CS 50's recent highs, HUPD have sought to break the cartel that they allege has been supplying her, and have arrested Chem 20 and Gov 1295.

© 2014