and entering

CEB Books Area Chainsmoker for Yardfest

Yardfest is going to be lit this year.

CAMBRIDGE, MA - In a surprising announcement Sunday, the Harvard College Events Board revealed that they have booked local chainsmoker Jerry R. Fleming ‘17 to perform at this years Yardfest.

This announcement comes after a wave of student dispute surrounding supposed potential picks Carly Rae Jepsen and the Chainsmokers. “We kind of just heard people saying they really wanted chainsmokers, but we only had a few bucks to book someone. So, I called my friend Jerry up from the Advocate and asked him if he’d be down to perform,” said CEB co-chair Andrew Sutton.

In response to this news, many students took to social media, expressing their disappointment that the famous DJ duo had not been hired for the event. Fleming, who is a Senior and smokes a pack a day, responded to student criticisms: “All those douchebags do is press the play button on their computer. There’s no reason I can’t do the same thing.”

Fleming says he plans to play hits such as “Closer” and “Don’t Let Me Down” from his laptop while putting himself at risk of emphysema and lung cancer on another corner of the stage.

At press time, Carly Rae Jepsen was seen with a pack of American Spirits loudly whistling “Call Me Maybe” outside of the Office of Student Life.

© 2017