By the MHASP Punchmaster 

Bro! You gotta punch The Mission Hill Afteschool Program. You will not regret it.

Dawg, I promise if you punch, you will have a sick time. Initiations kind of suck because they lock you in a room for five hours and drone on about how to handle yourself when responsible for six- to eleven-year-old children. But, ma dude, after that you are part of the squad, and the squad is a tribe, and the tribe is a family, and the family is a volunteer organization centered around community youth development in the Mission Hill, Massachusetts, area.

The punch will be so chill. We will take you out in the blue 2015 PBHA van—or, as we like to call it, the Booze Bus. We will blast some Migos, and our van steward Davey will pour you a tall glass of Pabst Blue Ribbon. You will have the raddest, baddest social experience of your life, all while developing as a student leader and doing meaningful work outside the Harvard Bubble.

And buddy, don't forget the leadership opportunities. Once you are selected as a coordinator for MHASP, we will cleanse you of your former irrelevance in a dope-ass champagne shower. As the alcohol seeps into your pores and you begin to blackout, you will be left thinking, “I do it all for the brotherhood…and the opportunity to academically and socially mentor the kids that we serve.”

And I’ve saved sickest for last. We have this wine and cheese every year that—bro, I friggin' kid you not—is the biggest rager on campus. I was still kind of drunk when we shared best practices with the other PBHA programs in the morning. More like worst practices, am I right, bruh?