and entering

Based on Your Lack of Rejection, I Have Made Arrangements to Join Your Company for an Internship this Summer

Business card
I already bought some crisp button-downs — dress for the job you want, am I right?

To Whom It May Concern,

I hope this email finds you well! As you’re probably well aware, I applied to the summer intern position at your company 3 months ago. And since my mom always tells me “No news is good news”, I’ve started making arrangements to join your team this coming summer! It’s just like I said in that cover letter that you definitely read, I’m proactive!

I got the ball rolling by booking my flight to LA. To save you the annoyance of having to file a reimbursement form, I used those advanced programming skills I listed in my resume to hack your system and charge the flight to the company credit card (You’re welcome!). I also signed a 3-month lease on a nearby apartment, and have forgone getting a roommate since I figured the “competitive compensation” you mentioned in your job post included a housing stipend. Of course, all of this means squat if I don’t know to how dress for success, so I’ve also bought a whole new set of businesswear to wear in the office (also charged to the company credit card) and even printed out 1000 business cards to hand out to all the important clients I’m sure I’ll be interacting with this summer. 

(I’m actually down to 994 as my mom wanted some to show off to her friends — moms, am I right?)

I made sure to let all of my 13 followers on LinkedIn know that I, too, have a lucrative internship this summer by updating my bio to “Incoming Summer Intern at Trust Us Bank”. Speaking of LinkedIn, it seems you forgot to accept my request from several weeks ago. I’m sure it’s just because you’re very busy this time of year, but add me when you get the chance! Lastly, I just want to assure you that you don’t need to worry about any Non-Compete Clause issues with me; I withdrew my applications from other internships and programs as soon as I hit the 10-week mark on no response from your HR department. This internship was always my top choice, so I didn’t think it’d be fair to string the others on. I mean, you guys would never string people along, right?

That’s all for now, but feel to let me know if there’s anything else I should do to prepare for my upcoming internship!

See you soon, 

Jackson Edward

Sophomore at Harvard College

Incoming Intern at Trust US Bank

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