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“It's Just Camp”: Harvard Dean Announces Plan To Address Dilapidated House Infrastructure

Photo of a collapsing house
"So yeah, it's a little outdated, but we have guaranteed singles and we're the best dining hall in the quad!"


Since the eagerly anticipated return of full residential life to campus this fall, many Harvard students have reported that the state of their dorm rooms violate multiple local Cambridge safety codes concerning black mold and bad taste. 

In response to student pushback, the Dean of Students Office released a statement this past week: “In collaboration with the Office of Undergraduate Arts (OUA), the residential housing system has decided to move forward with an approach to infrastructure that revels in the absurdity of the Harvard experience. Together, we hope to defy class norms of what is ‘aesthetically pleasing,’ what is ‘good taste,’ and what is ‘safe for the undergraduate student body.’ Our new approach will be ‘camp.’” 

Members of the OUA have attended an Avant Garde summit hosted by the Graduate School of Design on the integration of black trash bags and dust into contemporary architecture. To facilitate the rebranding process, Harvard created a new position in “Infrastructure Oversight and Theatrics” within the OUA. For an annual salary of a neon green sequin dress and a pair of Tevas, Cher, the Camp Queen herself, officially accepted the position for the following academic year.

 In response to the College’s new efforts to improving House Life, some students have voiced their uncertainties:

 “Yeah, my entire shower ceiling caved in last week and a family of brown winged bats has moved into the cavernous overhang in its place,” lamented Daniel Wang, a junior in Kirkland House. “I’m both a prominent animal rights activist on campus and on board for HMUN, so naturally, I’ve tried to establish a sense of diplomacy with the bats, but they keep biting my roommates in the night, and it’s creating a lot of negative energy in our space.”

When Daniel put in a request for the bats to be removed, the College declined his maintenance services as it would “undermine the aesthetic  values and vision” of the new House Life initiative. They found the bats beautifully contrasted the wood paneled walls of Kirkland, in a manner that captures the essence of camp architecture.  

A recent poll from the Crimson reported that students much prefer the campy vibe to the “Nursing Home Chic” decor of Currier.

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