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Rules for Cthulhu's Secret Santa

Cthulhu wearing a small santa hat
Do not forget to don the ancient blood-red hat

Howdy there last minute shoppers! We’re so excited that you’ve accepted our invitation to take part in Cthulhu's annual fun and festive Secret Santa gift exchange! With only two shopping days left before Christmas, here’s a couple of reminders for those of you still looking for the perfect gift:

1. Do not attempt to find out the name of your Santa. The knowledge will destroy you.

2. Gifts should cost no more than the price of redemption of a tortured soul.

3. If you draw The Black Goat With A Thousand Young, you do not need to worry about providing individual gifts for each of the Young. Just one for the Black Goat will be fine.

4. Do not gift any servant-demons transformed from troubled, racist New England writers. Come on, people and more-than-people. Be original.

5. No alcohol.

6. A firkin filled with the tears of the despairing counts as alcohol. (Yog-Sothoth, take note.)

7. No "adult" gifts. Children are far more succulent anyway.

8. Just because the King in Yellow always appears to mortals in yellow so bright it turns their eyes to fire and their blood to ice doesn't mean He doesn't like other colors too.

9. Bear the power level of your recipient in mind. Every year, someone is reduced to gibbering madness by a well-meaning present that turned out to be too great for them to imagine. Let's try to avoid that this time.

10. When giving your gift please do not look your Santee in their eyes or you will be eviscerated into multiple forms of vapor (Remember that Cthulhu is the Recipient of All Gifts.)

11. Your gift should consist of at least 1 sheep but no more than 3 sheep worth of sacrifice.

12. In fact, don’t get a gift, what happens to you because of not getting a gift would delight your Santee to no end. 

13. Be yourself and have fun!


Image Credit: BenduKiwi

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