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Melinda Gates’ Dildo Challenge

Mrs. Gates describing her husband’s endowment.

Following her husband’s $100,000 grant offer for the design of a “next generation condom,” Melinda Gates has issued a challenge of her own, causing many start-ups to scramble in order to get a head start in what looks to be a stiff competition.

The $2,318,008 prize will be given to the individual or team that “designs the dildo—classic, vibrator, or strap-on—that best satisfies the needs of a lonely rich woman whose husband spends so much damn time on his precious foundation.”

“You have no idea how lonely it is,” said Ms. Gates Bill at the press conference. “He’s always with his computers or his philanthropy. I’m just a women with needs…” she said, trailing off as she gazed at her new intern, biting her bottom lip.

While many women have come out in support of Melinda’s efforts, notably supermodel Melania Trump(wife of business mogul Donald Trump), Shirley Boone (wife of singing legend Pat Boone), and Charles E. Rosenburg (husband of Harvard University president Drew Faust), the challenge has also been met with some hostility.

“I think it’s a ridiculous idea,” said Linda Lovelace, dildo aficionado. “It’s like reinventing the wheel, it just cannot be done. Melinda’s money would be better put to use in researching a more pressing issue like the effects of whale oil on the litheness of cabana boys.”

The deadline for entries will be June 6, with the winner being announced after a widespread and rigorous testing process.

© 2013
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