and entering

Flyby's Guide to Being Crushed By Freshman Year

Get ready to rule the school! And then please tell us how you did it.

Don't buy your books new

In fact, don't buy them at all. Instead, rely on Wikipedia, Reddit, and Flyby for information. Alternatively, look into illegal downloads. The more illegal software on your new laptop, the better.

Never eat a meal alone

Make sure to bring your childhood imaginary friend along, and refer to them frequently whenever you have real-life company. Don't worry, soon it will just be you and Ghostie in the corner of Annenberg. 

Go to office hours

In fact, never leave them. Follow your TF's home. Actually, forget your TF's, follow your professor's home. Invite them to get lunch, and then on a weekend camping trip. These people might be smart, but you're persistent. We know you didn't get into Harvard on merit alone.

Be reckless on social media

Make social media your life. Document every waking moment on some digital platform, or else you will disappear into the ether. We're serious. You don't exist outside of your digital form. 
Don't do homework on weekends

In fact, don't do homework at all. The best way to deal with your assignments is to ignore them, or offer them to strangers as a tutoring exercise in exchange or monetary compensation.
Move your body as little as possible

Energy is precious in this town, and you must preserve yours as effectively as possible. Minimize not only steps and physical adjustments, but also brain waves and time spent with eyes open. 
Beware of the van with "Fresh Man Year" painted on the side

It is driven by a very reckless fifth-year senior who is not afraid to leave smudges on Mass Ave.
© 2016