Hey, there, [term of endearment]! Welcome to Election Day Mad Libs! Here’s what you need to know to be a(n) [adjective] citizen:
Hillary Clinton is the nominee for the Democratic Party, the first [noun] to be elected by a major party. While some people like her experience, which has included serving as [government office], [government office], and First Lady, others [verb with negative meaning] her for having TOO much experience. After all, if this one person has had so many [units of measurement] of experience, why isn’t the world a better place? Despite this criticism, her supporters still follow her with the rallying cry “I’m with [preferred gender pronoun]!” Just recently, Hillary Clinton was once again under investigation by the [three letter acronym] for her use of a private [“email server”. The correct answer is “email server” because it’s always about the emails]. Interestingly enough, this issue was somehow related to former New York Congressman, Anthony [body part]. Her running mate is politician [boy’s name] Doe.
Donald Trump, on the other [synonym for “small”] hand, is felt by some to be quite a basketcase. Or, rather, his supporters are believed to be a “basket of [adjective, plural: because plural adjectives make sense].” Donald Trump, who looks like a shriveled [animate orange object] fucked a racist bag of cotton candy, represents the Republican Party. His platform is based on the phrases: “Make America [adjective] Again”, “We’re Gonna Build a [structure] and Make [name of favorite relative] Pay For It!”, and “Let me tell you, I’m a [adjective] businessman. [Same adjective]!” and not much else. He has famously been endorsed by [favorite movie villain], and is notorious for dealing with criticism like a [number between 1 and 12]-year old kid. Donald J. Trump, affectionately called “The [household tool or appliance]” by those closest to him (voluntarily: sorry, Melania and Ivanka), has been accused of promoting [word ending with –ism], [word ending with –ism], and [word ending with –ism]. Oh, and racism too, don’t forget that. All of these remarks, sometimes tweeted at [ungodly hour in the morning], have offended [any demographic group ever]. Oh, and Muslims and Hispanics too, don’t forget that. He also feels that global warming is a hoax, committed by [fictional country]. Basically, he is virtually a [verb ending with –ing, that is not “walking”, e.g. “sniffling"] sound-bite creator; people almost quote him more than [respected religious figure], [American Founding Father], or [character from “Mean Girls]. His running mate in the election is politician [boy’s name] Doe.
The candidates could not be more dissimilar. For example, [Candidate] has notoriously been pandering to voters throughout this election cycle, while [Other Candidate] definitely has not. What is also unique about [Candidate] is how much they are disliked by just so many people, and also how they have changed their political stance on [political issue]. Furthermore, only [Candidate] has drawn so much criticism for lying about [FREE SPACE: you decide!]. And if that wasn’t enough of a distinction, [Candidate] has specifically been blasted for the scandal surrounding [his/her] charitable organization, the [name] Foundation.
Essentially, if Donald Trump wins, some fear that the world will turn into something out of [favorite disaster movie]. And if Hillary wins, it means that, most importantly, we will not have elected Trump.
