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Chicken Vows to Freeze Her Eggs If She Hasn't Found a Rooster by the Time She’s 30

Wattle decides to freeze her eggs.

FARM, EASTERN MASS.—Upon turning 25 on Monday, a local chicken named Wattle hatched a plan to freeze her eggs if she hasn’t found a rooster by the time she’s 30.

“When I woke up alone on my birthday, I felt a lump in my beak because I haven’t found a cock yet,” said Wattle, clarifying that a cock is another name for an adult rooster. “I'm scrambling to find a mate, but my biological cluck is ticking."

She had that fling with Roo once, but she broke up with him when she saw what a pigsty his home is. “He literally lives in the next pigsty over,” Wattle explained. “I can’t raise a chick in a pigsty—that’s a cock-a-doodle-don’t.”

Then there was Chuck—the sweet, sensitive rooster who liked poetry and enjoyed reciting Emily Chickenson and William Fowlkner in the moonlight. Wattle thought she might try nesting with him, but Chuck flew the coop to work for a tech incubator somewhere.

“I won’t be a spring chicken forever,” Wattle sighed. “I might as well just freeze my eggs if I don’t engage in animal husbandry in the next five years.”

And even if she does find a rooster, Wattle has her career to think about. “I should really wait to lay my eggs until I’m older if I want to get promoted,” said Wattle, who works at the Harvard Coop. “It’s a rooster’s world, and we hens are just living in it.”

At press time, Waddle was crossing the road to get to the fertility clinic on the other side.

© 2017