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Breaking

and entering

Middle East Catches Kurds

This Tuesday, the World Health Organization (WHO) announced that a Kurds pandemic has hit regions in Turkey, Iran, and Iraq. WHO director Dr. Margaret Chen said that the infection most likely started in the third century BCE but was aggravated by the recent introduction of foreign bodies to the area. Kurds can result in a number of health complications including nausea, indigestion, sandy contacts, an infertile crescent, and cries for autonomous statehood. Chen suggested that the spread of the disease is due in large part to the anonymous, nomadic sex practiced by many of the area's residents.

Local leaders have already begun pledging support to eradicate this crisis. Just yesterday, Turkish president Abdullah Gul declared that Turkey would not be safe until Kurds was eliminated, saying he was horrified by the thought of Kurds ending up in his own home. Gul ended his speech on a positive note, promising that Turkey would "kick this Kurds virus just like we beat the great Armenian plague of 1916."

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