Several of Chavez’s closest confidants weigh in on his passing.

 Sean Penn:  Hugo Chavez was a good friend of mine—perhaps my only friend.  I have one particular instance in my mind that I would like to share with you today.  We were in his house in Caracas, watching Community (old Hugo always had a soft spot for public education), and he turned to me, and he said, “You know, we’re like Troy and Abed, the two of us”.  That really meant a lot to me.  Hugo had so much spunk, and it’s a crime that he died so young.  He had so much that he wanted to do—he wanted to do the Harry Potter studio tour in London, he wanted to climb Mount Kilimanjaro, and he wanted to finish a game of Risk.  He will be sorely missed.

 Rosie O’Donnell: People have often mistaken me for Hugo Chavez on the street.  I tell them, “I’m Rosie O’Donnell.  Don’t you remember me?  I’m spunky and fun!”  And they just walk on by.  

 Fidel Castro: Well, this was unexpected.  With the amazing healthcare provided to Hugo by Cuban hospitals combined with the fire of revolution in his heart, I thought he was really going to battle through it.  I mean, for God’s sake, look at me!  I am a skeleton that moves because a computer in Havana sends electrical signals to my joints.  Well, that’s life, I guess.  I’m going to take a nap.

 Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Hugo Chavez was a great ally, a great friend, and a great Muslim.  I will miss him like a mullah misses a minaret. 

 Cancerous tumor:  Hugo was everything to me.  He was my life.  I feel like, without him, I’m lost.  Who can I talk to?  Where can I go?  My twin, my soul-mate—he is gone.  And to tell you the truth, I can’t help but feel as if it’s my fault.  Everyone else tells me to shake it off—“Don’t blame yourself, Javier,” they say.  “It wasn’t your fault.”  But there’s a malignant piece of me that doesn’t believe them, and I can’t shake that feeling away, no matter how many times I try to zap it out of my system.  It makes me want to vomit.

 *Editor’s note:  Anderson Cooper was asked to comment, but as it turns out, without a teleprompter in front of him, he loses the power of speech.  Instead, a single tear dripped down ever so slowly from his piercing, crystalline blue eyes.