Sung, DK, Glorious Democratic People's Republic of the Former United States—Following hacks of sensitive information and unsubstantiated empty threats to turn Sony Pictures and every movie theater in America into a “sea of flames rivaled only by Tartarus itself”, President Barack Obama earlier today signed an oath of allegiance to Kim Jong-Un. Shortly thereafter, the president was executed by firing squad along with Seth Rogen, James Franco, Amy Pascal, and Steve Hannah, CEO of the Onion, for their crimes against the Glorious Democratic People’s Republic of Korea.

Interim DPRFUS President Arturo Martinez announced before reporters that, effective immediately, all speech disparaging the DPRK or its magnificent undying president Kim Il-Sung will be punishable by the trashing of your reputation and the destruction of your company.  The gathered White House press corps was then escorted from the room onto liberation wagons headed for newly established re-education centers in Montana.