After returning home early this morning following the Iowa caucuses, Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush softly used a magnet to adorn his refrigerator with a blue ribbon simply labeled: “PARTICIPANT.”  

The former governor of Florida and one-time favorite to win the GOP nomination, who received three percent of the vote in Iowa yesterday, then stood in front of the appliance with his hands on his hips, contemplating the placement of the ribbon. “Maybe it would look better if I move it farther to the right,” he ruminated. “I wonder what George would think. Perhaps I should call him.”

“Nah, maybe not,” he reconsidered, recalling that his brother had won the Iowa caucuses by 11 percentage points in 2000 and had run unopposed for the Republican nomination in 2004. “George was never good at artistic stuff like this.” 

He turned around, catching a glimpse of the pile of Hallmark cards on the kitchen table, all emblazoned in glittery ink with the phrase “You’ll always be my winner, son!”

However, upon hearing that he had been awarded one delegate from the Iowa caucuses, Bush’s face reportedly lit up, and he smiled a small, happy smile. “I think we’re going to be really good friends,” he said.

Image source: Gage Skidmore/Flickr