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On Career Day, White Kindergartners Learn They Can Be Anything Except Terrorists

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Career Day!

MILWAUKEE, WI — At the Milwaukee Day School’s annual kindergarten Career Day, students were exposed to an array of career opportunities, including firefighting and nursing, but were shocked to learn that they cannot become terrorists when they grow up.

The kids—who heard from professionals working in fields like journalism, education, and law—were confused. “Is it because terrorists are bad?” Poppy Stevens, a bright-eyed five-year-old, asked.

“Well, terrorists are bad, but that’s not the reason you can’t become one," Ms. Susan Miller, the teacher, responded. "Terrorism is a job for brown people only!"

Kindergartner Billy Mack regularly pushes his sister, tells his mother he hates her, and threatens to burn his family’s house down. “My mommy always says ‘boys will be boys,’ so I never really get in trouble,’” he said. “I thought being a boy means that I can do whatever I want, but turns out I can’t be a terrorist." Then he went back to throwing crayons at his defenseless classmates.

“It broke my heart to tell the kids they would be denied an opportunity because of their race,” said Ms. Miller, who is currently teaching the children about the Civil Rights Movement. “But I’m glad they’re learning the realities of the world while they’re young.” 

To avoid entirely crushing the dreams of any aspiring terrorists in the class, Career Day volunteers presented an impromptu panel called “Alternatives to Being Labeled a Terrorist,” which included being called mentally disturbed, a lone wolf, misunderstood, or quiet.

At press time, a police officer was giving a presentation titled “Life After Shooting an Unarmed Black Civilian: Making the Most of Your Paid Administrative Leave.”

© 2018
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