WALL STREET — Merely a day after the Snapchat IPO, investors in the popular stock panicked after realizing that all of their shares kept disappearing just ten seconds after their buy orders got filled. 

“Immediately, a little square timer appeared in my E*trade dashboard, and when it hit 0, all of my shares vanished,” area day trader Gillian Tresspie told Satire V. “I screenshotted it before they disappeared, but E*trade support told me it’s not polite to do that.”

To My Fans,

Thank you for your admiration and support over the past couple of months. I don’t know what I did to deserve such attention and fame, but regardless I thank you all for the love you have shown me on Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat. Whatever those are.

“At first, I started getting a lot of pictures and videos of trees from someone I didn’t know.  But then one day, I saw a picture of a big hairy face” said Veronica Slain of Boulder, CO.  She is one of several people who claim to be receiving messages from “Bigfoot” on the popular smartphone app, Snapchat.  Snapchat is an app that allows users to send pictures or short videos that disappear forever after being viewed by other users.