Hello, lovers. As you have undoubtedly read from the title, lovers, my name is Pietro Alveoli, and I am a sexy Italian man. Take care that my flowing hair does not blind you—the light of the sun simply grows more brilliant as it hits my radiant locks, lovers. I hate to ask anything of my dear lovers, lovers, but I am afraid that I must ask you to like and subscribe to my YouTube channel. You shall not regret it, lovers, for I am not only a sexy Italian man, but also an interesting, wealthy-sexy Italian man.

One morsel about me that may pique your interest, lovers, is that I have never committed insider trading. Insider trading would be unbecoming of someone like me, lovers, who steps so lightly with figure still robust and is, of course, a sexy Italian man. No doubt you may reason, lovers, that a sexy man, like myself, would become much less so after committing insider trading. Well, I assure you that I am pretty much as sexy — and as Italian — as they come, lovers, so you can be sure of my innocence on this count. If you yearn to hear more about how I did not commit insider trading, you will be alerted, lovers, if you simply click the subscribe button, as I may soon post a video on the topic.

I live a life of luxury that I would love to share with you, lovers, in innumerable videos wherein you may gaze upon my sexy Italian figure to your heart’s pleasure. I am very wealthy, lovers, from a mysterious source which I will never reveal. Lovers, my shirts are cut from only the most delicate of cloths, my rafts built from only the most buoyant of materials, my scarves spun from only the least flammable of wool, and my digestifs are Sprite mixed with a little bit of cat litter. You may have noticed, lovers, that I know what “digestif” means. That is because I am sexy, lovers, and also Italian.

Wait, okay, so before I move on, lovers, I may have been a little unclear in my explanation about insider trading earlier, so I will just clarify now. Suppose, lovers, that you gave everyone in the world a score between 1 and 10 according to how sexy they are. Then, lovers, let S be the set of all possible scores of sexiness. Namely, lovers, this set is the closed interval on the real line between 1 and 10. Lovers, note now that 10 is the supremum of S. If, hypothetically, I had committed insider trading, which I have not, then I must have gotten less sexy, lovers. I would be beneath a 10, lovers, to some score x such that x < 10. However, since it is quite impossible, lovers, for me to get more sexy, I must have a score of sup(S), which, again, is a perfect 10. And thus, lovers, I must not have committed insider trading. 

This explanation tires me so, lovers, but if such long-windedness is what it takes for a humble sexy Italian man to be in your good graces, I shall not complain.

I hope I have left you intrigued, lovers, with questions abounding in your head about this sexy Italian man and his elusive sexy Italian ways—questions you can only hope to have answered if you subscribe to my YouTube channel. Unless, of course, those questions are about insider trading, lovers, as I have just given a rather detailed explanation about that and would rather we change the subject. I must away, lovers, but will leave you with short parting words, as evidence to my affections:

Also hit the bell icon.