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America’s Funniest Home Videos Is Better Than Sex, And I Would Know, I’ve Had a Lot of Sex

Bob Saget

by Bob Saget

I don’t know about you, but there is objectively no greater pleasure in life than seeing a mediocrely taped home video of a teenage boy wiping out on his four-wheeler while his entire family idly watches. A baby goat continually head butting himself in the mirror?  Forget about it.  A cat drinking from a water glass? Better than sex.

One may wonder what makes me, Bob Saget, qualified to deem something better than sex.  But let me tell you — it’s because I’ve had a lot of it. Like a lot.  

Crimson Cash Exchange Rate Plummets

New York City, NY—Crimson Cash collapsed in value in early trading Monday, on the heels of the revelation that the Harvard Corporation does not have $250,000 in liquid assets. Crimson Cash fell 30% versus Brown Bear Bucks, 23% versus the Euro, and reached a 5-year-low of 0.61 to the Princeton Paw Print.