“There you go,” said Wendell Pritchard '16, gently placing a single room-temperature Harvard University Dining Services muffin next to the motionless bundle of blankets huddled inside a doorway on the stretch of Plympton Street between Bow and Mt. Auburn. “That’ll make it all better.”

Pritchard allegedly grabbed the muffin on his way out of Quincy dining hall this morning “just kind of without thinking,” only to later realize that he was too full of bacon “to even consider taking a bite.”

It was a bloody scene in the Harvard Square Pit this morning, as Cambridge City Council candidate Logan Leslie put forth a last-ditch campaign effort in his war on the homeless.

  “No, no, no” began Leslie, “it’s not a war on homelessness. I’ve had enough of that namby-pamby bureaucratic shit. What we need now is action.”

 Wiping the blood from his chin with one of the many copies of the Spare Change Newspaper now scattered about The Square, Leslie recounted his battle plan.