CAMBRIDGE, MASS.—In an unprecedented act of nonconformity, Eric P. Johnston '18, a notoriously bespectacled stoner who prides himself on his taste in music, has admitted that he dislikes Frank Ocean.
“Blonde wasn’t even that great,” Johnston said at a dorm party while wearing Stan Smith Adidas and trying to make small talk. “It didn’t deserve a 9 on Pitchfork.”
Johnston is reportedly nothing like his former Exeter classmates Mark and Braford, whom he refers to as “preppy posers who listen to sellout rappers and can’t even roll a joint.” Johnston also boasts superior long-boarding skills and knowledge of obscure philosophy, according to his choker-wearing girlfriend Sky.
"'Chanel' is an elementary and cliché anthem that is worshipped by lame white boys,” said Johnston, adjusting his bucket hat. To him, posting a screenshot of "Ivy" playing on Spotify to his finsta is "embarrassing and unaesthetic;" he prefers posting pictures of Arizona Iced Tea and fluorescent '90s graphics featuring palm trees.
“It’s not easy being like this,” revealed Johnston. “There’s a lot of pressure on me to be a certain person and to like certain musicians, but I just can’t be fake anymore.”
Johnston has since announced plans to move onto “real” artists like Migos and Tyler the Creator.
Image credit: The Daily Dot
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