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Tourist Decapitates Student with Selfie Stick

The statue immediately following the incident. The following morning, however, most of the blood had been mysteriously washed away.
 
Dozens of horrified onlookers watched in stunned silence as a tourist in Harvard Yard decapitated a passing student with an ineptly wielded selfie stick. According to the official police report, the tourist carelessly swung her stick into a footpath while posing for a photo with the John Harvard statue, striking an unnamed Harvard student in the throat. The selfie stick severed her neck and spinal column were immediately severed, sending her head flying backward in a spray of blood, cerebrospinal fluid, strings of fat, and vertebral fragments.
 
"I was behind a crowd when it happened, so I didn't see much," said one witness, a first-year graduate student in chemistry who was passing through Harvard Yard during the incident. "But I was close enough to hear everything. There were two teenage girls standing at the statue. One of them said, 'Hey, hey, McKeighlynn, how do I look?' The other one said, 'Wow, you look so bae.' "
 
"Then there was a high-pitched scream," the witness continued, "then a sort of gurgling sound, then a thud, and next thing I know my left foot knocks into a human head rolling down the footpath, and I'm thinking, 'I should have taken that offer from Berkeley.' "
 
According to several witnesses, the suspect expressed contrition at the scene, declaring that she was "OMG so sorry please don't arrest me how will I get into college." She is currently in police custody. Police have not released her name, but have said that she was a 16-year-old female from California, visiting family in the Boston suburbs.
 
University leaders have expressed their dismay at the incident.
 
"This is an unfortunate occasion," said Rakesh Khurana, Cabot House Master and Dean of Harvard College, in an e-mail sent to all undergraduate students. "I am troubled by the lack of judgment shown in the taking of this selfie, which runs counter to the values we hold as a community." Khurana called for Harvard students to respond with frank discussion of the incident with their peers. "I believe in each of you," his e-mail continued, "and this is why I am calling on you to reflect and talk with each other about how we can create the type of culture that reflects our desire to avoid violent death by photographic paraphernalia."

In a joint statement, UC leaders Ava Nasrollahzadeh '16 and Dhruv P. Goyal '16 have pledged to do "everything in the Undergraduate Council's power" to protect students from selfie-stick decapitations. Though such measures as prohibiting selfie sticks within Harvard Yard or reducing the number of tourists allowed to visit Harvard have been ruled out as "impractical," according to UC members speaking on condition of anonymity, they are still considering other possibilities such as the sale of lightweight foam-covered Harvard-branded "safety selfie sticks" in the merchandise store located in the ground floor of the Richard A. and Susan F. Smith Campus Center.

© 2015
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