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Student's Gratitude to Parents Lasts Record 22 Hours

Gratitude is exhausting for Peters.

ST. LOUIS, MO — After a record 22 hours of gratitude, Brandon L. Peters ’20 has returned to being deeply ungrateful for everything his parents have done for him.

“God, all that thankfulness was exhausting,” said Peters, lying on the couch that his mother purchased, eating the leftovers that his father cooked, and reclining under the blanket that his mother knitted. “I’m just relieved that this is only a once-a-year thing.”

Yesterday, at Thanksgiving dinner, Peters gave a heartfelt toast to Dianne and Frank, his attentive parents. He mentioned the time that his mother missed a week of work to take care of him when he had the flu, and he raised a glass to the hundreds of hockey practices that his father drove him to. “I don’t say it enough,” Peters concluded, “but I’m so thankful for both of you.”

Today, as his parents washed the dishes and scrubbed the dining room table, Peters yelled at them to keep down the racket. “Jeez, can’t you tell I’m trying to watch The Office?” he shrieked from the sofa, even though he has seen this episode a dozen times.

“Oh, Brandon is an angel,” Dianne gushed. “We’re so proud that he found it within himself to say something halfway-appreciative on Thanksgiving.”

At press time, Peters was shouting at his sister, whom he professed to love a mere 17 hours ago, to stop blocking the damn TV.

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