SatireV

Breaking

and entering

Please Take My PSY15 Survey!

I'll give you my firstborn kid. Just take the goddamn survey.
Hey Quincy,
 
Long time no talk! Just wondering if you'd be willing to take my PSY15 survey. I know I emailed you about this last night and the night before that and the night before that, but I'm willing to sweeten the deal with a promise that you'll receive my firstborn kid.

It will only take 8 seconds, and you'll get a buttload of gift cards!
 
What year are you?
1. Freshman 
2. Sophomore
3. Junior
4. Senior
 
How happy are you, on a scale from 1 to 10?
1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10
 
You sure about that?
1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10
 
No, how happy are you really? I’m actually asking.
1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10
 
Don’t bullshit me.
1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10
 
How badly do you want a gift card?
1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10
 
How confident are you that we're totally shitting you and there is no gift card?
1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10
 
How many minutes did I say this survey would take?
1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10
 
How many minutes is it actually taking?
10  20  30  40  50  60  70  80  90  100
 
Are you even reading this?
a) Lol.
b) Whatever helps you sleep.
c) Yeah sure, okay buddy.
d) I still get entered into the raffle, right?
 
Please list your House, the region of the country you're from, and your SSN.
a) Wait, I thought this was suppoed to be anonymous.
b) You're not, like, using this information for something, are you?
c) If I fake a couple of these answers, can you track it back to me?
d) I live in Dunster, I'm from the Midwest, and my SSN is 555-33-8529.
 
How many Ms do you have in your bank account?
1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10
 
So you really don't need that gift card, do you?
a) Dude Starbucks is my life.
b) I would do anything for an Amazon gift card.
c) I just love surveys.
d) Every time a survey is sent over the House email list my fingers start to tingle.
 
Say "Qualtrics" five times fast.
a) Qualtrics.
b) Qualtrics.
c) Qualtrics.
d) Qualtrics.
e) Qualtrics. 
 
Image credit: Sonoma State University
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