Cambridge, MA—In a revelation that has rocked the Harvard community, the Undergraduate Council’s election committee has unearthed a $75 donation from Charles and David Koch to the campaign of Happy Yang and Faith Jackson. Analysts suspect that the secret donation, a sum that surpasses the regulated $50 limit by a whopping 50 percent, was in exchange for an oil and natural gas-friendly platform. 

The UC’s investigation further revealed that Yang and Jackson have spent the illicit funds not on Papercut, but on a mauve and chartreuse scarf from Anthropologie which they now share. The discovery explains subtle shifts in the campaigns platform, which shifted from emphasizing the need for student social spaces and Minestrone Mondays to endorsing light to medium fracking in Harvard Yard, deleting Chapter 3, Subsection 2.i of the student handbook, and harvesting the organs of all non-unionized employees over 60.

When pressed for comment Yang and Jackson tugged at their communal scarf nervously and said that they found it on the freecycle shelf during last spring’s Earth Day festivities.