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Kirkland House: We Respect Our Meat—I Mean, Women

"Yeah, this was a good idea," Kirkland House assured itself.

CAMBRIDGE, MA— Upon releasing its Housing Day video album, Kirkland House has been met with a fair number of accusations of sexism, among many things; however, Kirkland House would like to reaffirm its support for women.

“They came to me with an idea to represent our house in a fun and lighthearted way. When they told me we were going to shoot a video of several faceless, half-naked, human-boar hybrid women gyrating around a room and assuming various sexual positions, I told them, ‘Wow, I think you’re on to something!’,” said Kirkland House in an interview.

But when accused of comparing women to livestock, Kirkland responded, “We think women are more than just slabs of meat. So much more. They are living, breathing organisms with rights– just like any other creature.”

Opponents of the video have taken issue with the following lines:

A pork-based Aphrodite

Bacon that makes you horny

because, they argue, “the goddess of love and beauty offering herself up as a sexy meat treat” isn’t exactly an “empowering” image for first-year women soon to be assigned to the house.

“I totally see what you’re saying there,” said Kirkland House. “We just thought ‘Athena’ might come off as too ‘bitchy’.”

Kirkland House was asked what it wanted all the other houses to know about its videos.

“We just want everyone to know that we truly respect our women. Ok, well we respect our white women. Actually, they were turned into naked, horny pigs for this video— I change my mind, we don’t respect our women.”

At press time, Kirkland House was reevaluating the merits of sex appeal.

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