SatireV

Breaking

and entering

Harvard Girls Enjoy Dating Comp

 Senior Jessica Morrissey of Kirkland House has many shining extracurriculars on her resume. She’s an editor of the Crimson and volunteers every weekend in Boston public schools. Still though, she says this year she plans to extend her activities into a new dimension--dating life.

“I think employers really want to see that you’re well rounded. That’s the real reason I’m planning to join a relationship this year. They want to know if you can show affection and possibly sexual desire for another human,” said Morrissey.

The comp process of Harvard dating is unique among American colleges, but Harvard girls say they like the process because it helps them to get to know guys and fits well with their busy schedule.

“Basically, I have to submit four dates, ten kisses, and three blow jobs by the comp deadline in mid-October and the boys who are interested make their selection,” Morrissey explained.

The process can be stressful for freshman girls who tend to only comp one or two intriguing boys, but Junior Rachel Li of Leverett believes the secret is to cast a wide net and have several tiers of options.

“I’m comping Jeremy Whitford, Michael Chen, Ndiforious Jones, and Sarah Lawson. Ndiforious is my top choice because he worked at Morgan Stanley last year and diversity is always a plus for grad school, but I also have Sarah as my backup because lesbian comps tend to be a lot easier.”

Most relationship comps will announce results by this coming Monday and while Li is anxious she thinks she submitted quality material during her comps.

“Sure, there are some things I would change- my third kiss with Michael was a little too passive and I had to rush my last BJ with Jeremy to meet the comp deadline, but I’m sure it will work out.”

Both Morrisey and Li agree that the most important thing is to keep a level head and enjoy the process. “It’s easy to get caught up in wanting to be in the best relationship for networking purposes, but you have to remember to have fun too,” advises Li.

© 2012
Category: