B10 IN THE 'BERG—In a display of administrative authority, Oak Yard Dean Madeline Currie placed Jake R. Laferty '21 on an unspecified leave of absence after the Thayer resident somehow managed to fuck up his veritaffle for the ninth brunch in a row. 

"Following a slew of incidents characterized by premature checking of the iron, non-circular waffles, reckless syrup allocation, underuse of whipped cream, overuse of strawberry sauce, and general incompetence, it has become quite clear that Mr. Laferty poses an existential threat to Harvard University and its affiliated member institutions, and I have no choice but to suspend him," wrote Currie in an official statement.

According to students in line at the time, the most recent disaster began when Laferty neglected to spray either side of the iron before adding an estimated half gallon of multigrain batter. Within seconds, the soupy mixture exploded out of the device in several directions, drenching seven nearby students and damaging a historic painting of the late Frederick J. Tuckerman IV, from the class of 1697. 

Dorm crew captain Nate T. Longaurd '19, a first responder to the scene, called it "hands down the biggest non-alcoholic mess that I’ve dealt with in my three years here.”

Reactions from other members of the community ranged from anger to disappointment. “We all struggled a little bit with the waffle maker at Visitas, but to make that bad of a mistake this late in the year is simply inexcusable,” noted Jenny S. Lee '21, one of the seven students in the splash zone.

President Drew Faust noted in a University-wide email: “It’s little shits like Jake that make me wish I had quit this job 5 years ago.”