CAMBRIDGE, MA – Last Wednesday, freshman Michelle T. Smith '21 was swiping through potential suitors on Bumble when she came across Alex, a 5'11" junior at Harvard who “enjoys swimming, biking, and maybe one day you ;)”

Smith admitted that she was at first reluctant to swipe right on Alex, as he was "kind of average, not that tall, kind of a sketchy bio, looks like every other white dude on campus." But just as she was about to swipe left, forever leaving Alex behind in a sea of other expendable men ages 19-24 within a five-mile radius, Smith saw Alex’s third picture: him and two friends in tuxes, donning gleaming medals, hanging out in the courtyard of a final club.

As her breath left her, Smith instantly swiped right. “I realized maybe I was being too harsh. I mean, they always say don’t judge a book by it’s cover, so why shouldn’t I at least give him a chance?” she explained.  “Besides, if things go well, maybe he’ll invite me to a date event. I’d finally get to subtly tag 'The Fly Club Corp' as the location on one of my Instas!”

Smith claims that after realizing Alex could help her climb Harvard’s crooked and splintering social ladder, she also miraculously began to soften towards other aspects of his profile. “I mean, 5'11" isn’t even that short. It’s above average!" she said. "Also, how clever can you expect someone to be in a 300-character bio? That’s like two sentences. You can’t expect someone to be able to showcase his full self in that short of a space."