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Dean Dingman Totally Getting a Stripper for 375th Anniversary Celebration

Dean Dingman at yet another one of his crazy parties.

CAMBRIDGE - Hanging up his phone and flashing a grin to reporters assembled outside his office, the Dean of Freshmen announced, "Boys, Tom Dingman is totally getting a stripper for the 375th."

The announcement ended weeks of speculation over what Dingman would do in celebration of Harvard's terquasquicentennial, putting to rest the rumor that Dingman was going to take a breather following his now-legendary class of 2015 convocation after-party

"Come on, boys, it's the 375th," Dingman said. "This is big-time."

The Dean of Freshman said the delay in the announcement was the result of a dispute with Dean Evelyn Hammonds, who objected to the stripper for financial reasons. "With two human-sized ice luges already in the event's discretionary budget, Dean Hammonds simply thought it was a luxury we could not afford," Hammonds' office said of the stripper in a written statement.

Dingman, who famously streaked arm-in-arm with Ke$ha at last year's Harvard-Yale football game, spent several weeks convincing Hammonds that having the stripper would pay for itself. Dingman reported that he withdrew over $2000 in $1 bills from his personal account at Cambridge Savings Bank yesterday.

Dingman remained unsure as to where the stripper will fit into the night's program. "The boys and I were thinking of having her dress up as Drew Faust, or maybe give John Harvard a lap dance, or both," he said.

Dingman then proceeded to request that he hereafter be referred to as the "Dean of Fresh."

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