CAMBRIDGE, MA—This Saturday marked the first annual meeting of the long-anticipated President-Student Open Dialogue session, meant for students to bring up any issues regarding the Harvard administration. President Lawrence Bacow made it clear that all questions were on the table in this Q&A event, especially noting his openness about his apparent resemblance to actor and comedian Adam Sandler. 

“I am here to answer any question you may have about endowments, admissions, my uncannily similar facial structure to one of the greatest entertainers of recent memory… all of the issues you deeply care about.”

Students became confused, however, when nearly every answer somehow centered around what Bacow dubbed the “Sandler Controversy.” For example, when asked about disputed investments of the university’s endowment, Bacow forewent the topics of fossil fuels and private prisons and instead promised not to invest in a production of Grown Ups 3.

After being pressed further on his failure to divest from the fossil fuel industry, Bacow announced that he had “conducted an internal investigation to determine the details on the issue at hand.” However, it soon became clear that the only test he had run was his own Ancestry DNA test, which he announced had come back as "35% Adam Sandler."

According to students at the scene, it seemed as though Bacow took pride in his apparent association with Sandler, and had at one point wondered aloud, “Who would have thought that I, Larry Bacow, would share so much in common with the star of 10 movies with over 90% on Rotten Tomatoes? Well, that’s a combined 90%, but I can still understand why everyone on campus is talking about this.”