In response to the growing dissatisfaction with recent Yardfests, the College Events Board announced this past week that pre-teen pop sensation Aaron Carter and notorious pop-punk quintet Smash Mouth will headline what promises to be an unprecedented Yardfest, featuring the likes of Vanilla Ice, Baha Men, Nickelback and Rebecca Black. After drawing a lackluster crowd last year, the College Events Board hoped to take the year’s premiere concert event to the next level by booking the current superstar Macklemore, but were forced to settle for the next best thing, a conglomeration of perennial chart-toppers.
“We wanted to bring people back,” a representative of the board told us. “When people think about their first love or their favorite animated movie of the early 2000s, what music do they think about? Aaron Carter and Smash Mouth. It was the only logical choice.”
Yardfest will feature a little something for everyone this year. Elementary grammar enthusiasts will be especially excited to see School House Rock (Live), who will be reuniting to perform an exclusive acoustic show in Sever 110 at 9am.
“When I heard that my Saturday morning, 9am Beginning Russian section was cancelled due to a School House Rock reunion show, I was ecstatic,” said one eager freshman, “Not only was School House Rock the anthem of my childhood, I still think about trains every time I write a compound sentence!“
The Kids of Kidz Bop 7 will also be performing; a show will surprisingly be their first vocal performance since they recorded the unprecedented greatest hits compilation. It will be hard to miss them; they will be the ones holding the red folders on stage as they are all accepted students visiting for Visitas.
“Wait….so does this mean I could be roommates with one or all of them next year?” wrote one accepted student on the Harvard Class of 2017 Facebook page. “Shut up!” He continued with glee immediately posting a picture of himself being engulfed by his Kidz Bop 7 closet shrine, featuring posters of the always entertaining Bowling for Soup and bobble head dolls of Maroon 5, pre-Jagger.
