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Germany Slightly Amused They Represent Last Best Hope Against Rise of Fascism

BERLIN – As Donald Trump ascends to the American presidency and a right-wing populist wave engulfs much of western Europe, it appears that Germany represents the last best hope against the renewed rise of fascism. According to German Chancellor Angela Merkel, the Germans find this “only slightly amusing. Only slightly.”

Germany Tired of Doing All the Work on European Project

BRUSSELS -- Today Germany Chancellor Angela Merkel announced that her country was tired of doing the bulk of the work on the European Project, and that she would like to see some other countries take on more responsibilities.
 
"Every time we have a project due, my country ends up doing most of the heavy lifting," said a frustrated Merkel at a press conference. "Maybe for once Greece can get its act together and create the PowerPoint presentation. How are we expected to make the poster and the PowerPoint?"
 

Elderly War Criminal Conflicted About Outcome of World Cup Final

Klaus Schicklgruber, 103, of Corrientes, Argentina reportedly felt deeply ambivalent at the news of Germany’s 1-0 victory over Argentina in the 2014 World Cup final yesterday.  

Argentina Boasts 8th Greatest Total Land Area in World

Argentina still boasts the world’s 8th greatest total land area, with 1,073,518 square miles to Germany’s 137,847.

“That’s nearly eight times as much land!” shouted native Argentinian Sam Vasquez over a deafening chorus of the German national anthem. “Almost makes you feel sorry for Germany.”

Germany, which has not budged from its ranking of 63rd on the list of countries with the greatest land area, has very little hope of improving its ranking in the foreseeable future, let alone rivaling Argentina in land area.

Americans Unsuccessfully Try to Refrain from World Cup Nazi Jokes

Despite promises to refrain, across multiple social media platforms, Americans following the World Cup are finding it difficult not to reference either Nazism or World War II when commenting on Germany's ferocious playing.