CAMBRIDGE, MA – Citing the fiscal benefits of arson insurance fraud, Harvard University President Drew G. Faust set Kirkland House aflame on Thursday.

CAMBRIDGE, MA – As a result of the closure of Kirkland House Dining Hall and subsequent relocation of House Residents to Winthrop, estranged linkmates Sarah Johnson ’17 and James Caldwell ’17 were forced to encounter each other for the first time in 11 months.  After accidentally making eye contact across the Red Spice Chicken in the servery, the pair decided to spend the next hour “catching up.”

 After weeks of punishing rains, the great state of Colorado has finally had time to reflect on the disastrous floods that have killed at least ten residents.