From the email account of General Patraeus

Yeah, you heard me. I can see it in your eyes, Paula. I can tell you just wanna get your hands on my classified documents. Just like any good biographer.

I don’t think you’re ready for these files. I don’t think you want them bad enough. These are some of the biggest, thickest, juiciest classified documents around. So classified they might be a little hard for you to handle when you get down to, um, reading them.

I’m not supposed to show anyone these papers, Paula, but I just can’t bear the thought of someone writing a book about me without seeing them in all their glory. Do you think you’ll be able to control yourself when I show you these files? Do you? I dunno, but I think I’m gonna show ‘em to ya. These documents need to be out in the open. I've always known these documents were meant to be inside your... uh, brain.

Uh oh. Looks like I let the documents out of the bag. How do you like those? This is real bad, baby. This is real naughty. I’m not supposed to show these documents to a layperson like you. I think someone might have to put me in handcuffs for disclosing these top-secret files. ...No handcuffs? Alright.

IMAGE: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d5/David_Petraeus_and_Pa...