SatireV

Breaking News

1.0mm Pencil Lead

Alright, Nerds: Take This Harry Potter Quiz Full of Nonsense Fairy Words and Shut Up

The Hogwarts Coat of Arms
Dragons aren't real, dumbass.
Listen up, geeks. We know you grown-ass doofuses love Harry Potter, so we threw together this personality quiz full of gibberish. Take it and shut up.
 
1) What's your favorite Hogwarts house? (People really have favorites, don't they?)
 
A) Babadook
B) Gobbledegook
C) Snufflestuff
D) Who gives a shit?
 
2) You're trapped on a desert island. Which magical book do you bring? (There are books within this book series? Fucking nerds.)
 
A) Dobbies: A History
B) Herbin' Herbology with Herbert the Wizard
C) Fizzlededoo! It's Time to Eat
D) If you paid me to answer this I wouldn't.
 
3) What is your wand made of? (God, I can't believe I'm asking this.)
 
A) Holly and Phoenix Feather
B) Willow and Unicorn Hair
C) Vine and Basilisk Ball
D) None of those animals is real, dumbass.
 
4) What’s your favorite Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Bean? (Seriously, get a hobby).
 
A) Buttered Popcorn
B) Belly Button Lint
C) Actual Asshole
D) All of you are sick.
 
5) Which Honeyduke's candy would be your guilty pleasure? (Don't you have any friends you could bother instead?)

A) Pumpkie Pustle-Pasties
B) Voldoblibbet Flibertigibbets 
C) Hogwartinous Hardy-har-hars
D) You are why traditional web journalism can't make money.
 
6) What's your favorite place at Hogwarts for a nap? (What do you do all day? Shouldn't you have a job?)
 
A) Under the Wimp Willow
B) Atop the Animation Tower
C) Floating precisely 5'2" above the ground
D) In a bed? What kind of question is this?
 
7) What animal would you choose to bring with you to Hogwarts? (Jesus Christ, I have a college degree.)
 
A) Clapping Carterstock
B) Blorg
C) Poppystocking
D) Which – what? Are you kidding me?
 
8) What animal would be your Patronus? (You already answered this question on six other quizzes!) 
 
A) Dog
B) Ferret
C) Wrinklious Gooblecorn Diddlygriff
D) I refuse to pronounce that aloud. 
 
9) What's your favorite magical subject? (I'm begging you: read a book meant for adults.)
 
A) Defense Against Dumbledore's Army
B) Flicking Fillus Flitwick
C) Magical Economics
D) Make it stop, please.
 
 
10) Who would you take to the Yule Ball? (I bet you didn't even go to prom.)
 
A) Hermione Granger
B) Wilhelm Wigglestein
C) Professor Grimbleson
D) I don't know, the Babadook? Is that what you people want from me?
 
Answer Key
 
Mostly A's
Yer a wizard, you overgrown child. Never return to this website.
 
Mostly B's
You're Gryffindor. Whatever, if that helps you sleep at night.
 
Mostly C's
Looks like you have magical teeth, or something. I can't believe you're eating this up.
 
Mostly D's
Good for you. You don't give a single shit about this fucking children's book. At least there's one adult in this world.
 
© 2018
Category: